


The sun on a dreary day

by WafflesNSushi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Overworking, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Secret Relationship, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:33:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WafflesNSushi/pseuds/WafflesNSushi
Summary: Lee Donghyuck doesn’t know how much longer he can keep up with the lies.He didn’t know what it meant to be happy anymore.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 81





	1. 1

Donghyuck had forgotten what it meant to love himself. It was easy to pretend to boast about himself, till the other members laughed and rolled their eyes at him. He wasn’t actually confident with himself, it seemed the older he got the more problematic everything became.

So he’d crack jokes, cling to others and show off as much as he could. Anything to make others around him smile, so he could soak up their joy and be happy too.

He supposed that was what made him extroverted, thriving off of the company and attention of others.

When the boy found out about his debut, he was more than overjoyed. Someone like him would get to debut in two units! And that’s when the insecurities and guilt started to set in. Was he really deserving of such a big thing?

  
  
A few weeks before NCT 127 would release firetruck, he was alone in a practice room with Mark way past their bedtime. 

The older boy had been overwhelmed by the chaotic boy at first, so much to the point of almost leaving the company. The older hyungs managed to convince him to stay, and after an apology from the younger boy, the two grew closer and became best friends.

Mark was the most hardworking person Donghyuck knew, there was a reason he was to be a part of three units.

But for now they were just two exhausted boys taking a break from learning the chewing gum choreo.

“Mark?”

The Canadian turned to look at the younger boy, not commenting on the lack of honorifics.

“What?”

“Do you think I deserve to debut in two units?”

His eyes widened, “Hyuck…”

A small laugh left the boy’s mouth, although he didn’t mean it.

“There’s a lot more deserving people in our group who deserve that sort of position you know.”

There was a moment of silence before Mark decided to speak. He was more on the awkward side, and so took some time to assemble his thoughts and words.

“I think everyone in NCT, no, SM would agree that you deserve this. You’re a good dancer, and you have a nice voice, not to mention that unlike me you’ve got a funny personality.”

Now it was Hyuck’s turn to look shocked, Mark was charming in his own way, but he didn’t seem to be insecure when he said those last words. He already knew his strengths and weaknesses well, another one of the many reasons that had drawn the younger boy to him.

“Thanks...hyung.”

Mark looked at him brightly and ruffled his hair, “no problem Hyuckie, oh wait...I should start saying Haechan more from now on haha.”

Donghyuck nodded slightly. He still wasn’t sure about having a stage name, and wondered if it meant he’d have to pretend to be two people from now on. Of course, he knew better than to complain about it. It was an honour considering the name was recommended by Lee Soo-Man himself.

And with that, the 127 manager came in to take the boys home.

The three conversed for a bit in the car journey home, and the boy felt himself becoming more and more tired with every passing second.

“Taeyong hyung’s so cool,” he muttered, “he’s so good at dancing...and handsome...he’s a great...leader.”

He didn’t notice how Mark’s jaw clenched at his words and lay his head on his hyung’s shoulder, letting sleep consume him.

The Canadian’s eyes softened and once he was sure Hyuck was fast asleep, he rested his hand on top of the younger’s comfortingly. Though he’d never admit it, there was something special about Donghyuck’s skinship.

  
So special that sometimes he only wanted it for himself.

  
  



	2. 2

Being an idol was sort of like a rollercoaster.

One minute Donghyuck felt like he was soaring through the sky, the next it was felt like he was crashing. He had a specific image given by the company, the annoying younger brother. One of the mood makers of the group.

Sometimes he hated it, especially when he wanted nothing more to fade into the background and become unnoticeable. But one look from one of the managers and he’d have to force himself to smile and crack jokes, drape himself over the other members even when they started to get annoyed.

Speaking of managers, the 127 unit had recently gotten a new one.

Jaesung hyung was only a few years older than Johnny and Taeil, but sometimes he felt more of like a fatherly figure.

To the other members, he was a bit strict, however he was also kind and playful when he needed to be.

To Donghyuck he was like his actual father, cruel and always disappointed in him.

He knew Jaesung wasn’t very fond of him, the way he’d call the younger boy out more for any mistake and made subtle side comments made it painfully clear.

One day after the team had finally finished everything on their schedule, they got ready to go home. It was then that Donghyuck was pulled aside.

“Haechan,” Jaesung had a small smile on his face which they both knew was forced, “you made quite a few mistakes in the performance today.”

The maknae looked at him with a confused expression, he might appear to be joking around most of the time, but he took his work seriously. He knew for a fact that whilst his performance might have not been perfect, he did not do that badly that he needed to be told off for it.

“But hyung, I blended in well with the other members and did fine when it was my parts.”

The smile was wiped off the older’s face and Donghyuck regretted ever opening his mouth.

“This is what I mean. You always take things too lightly and think you can get away with it.”

“I-I’m sorry...” Arguing further seemed pointless, so he decided to shut his mouth and agree with the manager so he could get home quicker.

“Sorry won’t do anything! Someone like you should be working several times harder than your other members, otherwise you’ll keep dragging them down.”

_Someone like him..._

He apologised once again and the manager simply shook his head and they both made their way to the car. Yuta was the last one to arrive since he had gone to the bathroom and was made fun of by Johnny, helping to lighten the mood. It was mostly a silent ride as everyone was exhausted, for which Haechan was grateful for. The words kept ringing in his head, and he accepted it as the truth.

He wasn’t doing enough to show he was deserving of this team.

**Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid** -

“Hyuckie?”

He looked over to the oldest member who had called him.

”You look a bit out of it, everything ok?”

The maknae beamed at him. Taeil was a bit more on the quieter side, but he was so caring that it made the younger’s heart hurt.

”Of course hyung! I was just a bit tired.”

The older ruffled Donghyuck’s hair gently and nodded, “just making sure.”

”Ah hyung if you wanted some cuddles you could’ve just said so.”

He wrapped himself around the oldest hyung who simply laughed and made no effort to move. Another reason to like Taeil was that he never pushed Haechan away, it was such a small thing but it meant the world to him.

“Jaesung hyung can you drive me to the practice rooms?”

Everyone looked over at Jaehyun who had just spoken.

”I need to go over the routine again.”

Taeyong had frowned at this and recommended getting some rest first, but the younger persisted.

”I won’t be there for long, I just need to go over all my mistakes.”

There was an unsettling feeling in Donghyuck’s stomach as Jaesung’s words echoed in his head. Everyone in this team was not only talented but hardworking too, and then there was him who did the bare minimum with his excuse of being the youngest.

Once Winwin also decided to come, he made up his mind and asked to tag along as well.

Some of the members looked surprised at this, and Donghyuck assumed it must be because they hadn’t expected him to do anymore than what’s expected of him.

”Are you sure Hyuckie? You did just fine today.” Their leader’s kind words only made him feel worse and he assured his hyung that it was only for a bit.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a slight nod from Jaesung, pleased that he was finally trying to improve. At least someone’s mood was raised.

He glanced at Mark, whose eyes were fixated on Donghyuck who was still clinging onto Taeil. The rapper had an irritated expression and he concluded it must be because he’s tired.

_Tired of him being in this group_.

No, Mark wouldn’t think that. He was...his best friend.

Right?

—————————————————————

  
Haechan loves being with the dreamies. He felt a sense of responsibility as one of the older members, and would often pamper and guide the others.

Since they were all of similar ages he found it easier to relate and get along with them.

Even as the seven kids panted as their dance practice just ended, they all huddled and joked around.

  
In 127 the older hyungs would usually be too tired and get frustrated at any excessive skin ship. Haechan supposed there were good things about each unit, making him even more grateful to be a part of both.

Mark and Renjun were arguing over ketchup, the older saying it should be banned and gotten rid of (surprise surprise).

Chenle and Jisung were rambling to each other about god knows what- Donghyuck couldn’t keep up as the two kept changing topics every few seconds.

And he was in the centre of Jeno and Jaemin who were hugging him tightly. Jaemin was looking over fondly at the maknaes talking as Jeno rested his head on Hyuck’s shoulder.

Those two had a strong bond, and sometimes it surprised Donghyuck how easily they would accept him into their tight friendship and personal conversations.

Renjun joined Chenle and Jisung’s conversation, the two now talking about aliens, a favourite topic of the older.

Donghyuck felt himself zone out as he once again thought about how he could improve.

No matter what he did, it never felt enough. He missed when life was simpler, and reminisced those days in Jeju where he grew up in the love and warmth of his mother and siblings.

He was the oldest out of his four siblings, and therefore knew what responsibility and authority he held in the family.

He knew he needed to keep getting better, so they’d have a good male role model to look up to...something that their father should have done.

The boy was so lost in thought he barely had time to realise Jeno’s hand which inched upwards, brushing the skin underneath his loose shirt.

Donghguck stiffened and looked at the boy, whose facial expression was still blank and was resting on his shoulder with his eyes closed.

Jeno’s hand wasn’t the only thing distracting him. Jaemin had suddenly inched a lot closer, to the point where Hyuck could feel his warmth breath fanning over him.

His ears, his neck, _his lips_.

He was frozen, unsure of what was happening. He was probably overreacting right? After all he loved affection, the two boys were just being nice.

Jaemin leaned even closer if that was possible and murmured, “you look nervous Hyuckie.”

He merely shook his head, not trusting himself to talk.

Jeno raised his head looked at him for the first time, his eyes piercing. His hand slowly going higher and higher, leaving trails of goosebumps.

Haechan didn’t know whether to cry or run.

“Donghyuck-ah, you know we-“

The moment didn’t last for long as Mark stood up, offering to buy everyone lunch.   
  


Everyone cheered at the sudden offer, Renjun demanding tteokbokki. Donghyuck hurriedly stood up and began bickering with the boy.

”Jjajangmyeon would be way better!”

Chenle began talking loudly, voicing his own opinion as Jisung walked beside the three, who were now starting to make their way out of the room.

Donghyuck’s heart was still racing, and he felt glad to get away.

It was definitely him overreacting.

But for a few moments in the practice room, there was a tense silence between the three remaining boys.

Mark’s hands shook as he had watched what had just happened. He knew it was wrong for him to get mad at the younger boys who were like his brothers.

T _o be jealous-_

Yet right now Jaemin’s smirk was making it difficult to control himself. Jeno was simply watching with cautious eyes, waiting for the oldest’s next moves.

Nothing big did happen though. Mark took a deep breath and merely smiled at the two like nothing had happened.

”Those four are probably gonna order different things, so you two might as well get what you want before I go broke.”

Jaemin grinned and it was like the tension had gone, “ as long as it doesn’t contain milk anything’s fine.”

”Let’s get some strawberry yoghurt for dessert then.” Jaemin scowled at Jeno who had made the very terrible suggestion.

Mark laughed and swung his arms over the two boys’ shoulders and walked out with them like everything was fine.

They were all still so young, unable to really hurt each other’s feelings or even fight seriously.

How that would all get so much complicated as the years went by; their emotions would become clearer and their darkest thoughts would come out of hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts on the story so far?
> 
> This is still in 2016/earlier months in 2017 so the story’s going to be progressing slowly for a while.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to write a rather angsty story to show how no matter how much some glorify them, idols are humans too with their own thoughts and issues. Of course, this is not a book for the light hearted as the content gets more graphic and heavy to handle as the book progresses, so read at your own risk.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.


End file.
